It was going to be a pretty short column, advising how to catch fish this May: Keep your hook wet.
      Yet, even with pompano, spanish mackerel and bluefish assaulting the beaches; redfish ripping up the oyster bars; trout patrolling from beach to bay; and flounder lurking in sandy ambushes-- plus the occasional jack crevalle, cobia or early tarpon-- even so, some anglers will not catch fish. I think it's a disease.

Here are the main symptoms of NFS (No Fish Syndrome):

1. Patient thinks tides are unimportant. Quote: "It's always some tide, who's counting?"
2. Although patient may spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on boat, tackle and hardware, he will always try to save two dollars and buy frozen 'bait shrimp'.
3. Patient thinks that his fishing line is OK because, "It was fine last year."
4. Patient often thinks he's not catching fish because, "I don't have the right color _______." (Fill in the blank: plug, fly, underwear, etc.).
5. Patient solemnly believes that the more lead he uses and the further he casts out into the surf, the bigger fish he will catch.
6. Patient always waits until "sumbody catches somethin'" before he begins to "start fishin' serious."
7. Patient lies. Commonly, "I did everything that fellow in the paper said to do and I didn't catch a dang thang. I don't think he knows which end of a fish has teeth."
8. Patient owns a jet ski.
9. Patient thinks that 'early' means before the first beer.
10. Thinks "feeding time" means after the first beer.

I know that this disease is curable because I used to have it. Even today I sometimes get relapses. At the risk of practicing medicine without a license, this is my prescription for NFS:
      Only fish incoming tides. If you wouldn't eat the shrimp, don't expect a fish you would eat to eat the shrimp. Keep count of the fish you lose to broken line, bad knots, poor drags, etc.; if the count reaches more than two, go play golf. Never trust another angler's advice... unless it's the only advice you've got. Fish harder. Fish earlier. Sell the jet ski to somebody in Miami. Don't drink beer until your hands smell like fish.
      If that helps, you can thank Mom. Tight lines.

 
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